Long-distance video dates: spending time together when you’re apart

Sometimes a date begins with a mismatch: one of you still has plenty of energy, while the other just wants to curl up under a blanket. You can find that out before spending half an hour choosing a film.

“I could really do with a laugh tonight. How does that sound?” Or: “I don’t have much energy to talk, but I’d love to see you.”

A sentence like that helps you decide how you both want to spend the evening. Maybe a game. Maybe tea and a few words before bed. When you’re tired, you probably don’t want to spend your remaining energy guessing each other’s mood.

“What’s new?” can catch you off guard. Nothing much, apparently: work, the commute, groceries. But somewhere in there, something may have made you want to share it with this particular person.

Show them a photo of a funny sign, the book you’ve finally started or an unusual purchase. Tell them why it caught your attention. “This makes me think of our trip” often opens up more of a conversation than a detailed list of errands.

You could occasionally bring one little discovery each to a call. No daily assignment or compulsory photo. Just noticing something and thinking: “Oh, I want to show you this.”

Sometimes all you need to watch together is a short video. A funny clip, a music video from your teenage years, a trailer everyone online seems to have an opinion about. Start it together, then stay for the conversation that follows.

If you choose a film, find out how you each like to watch. Commentary on every scene? The occasional pause? Watching to the end and talking afterwards? Sorting out this small detail can save you from a situation where one person is making jokes while the other keeps missing the dialogue.

You don’t need to ask serious questions about the plot, either. “Who would walk into a house like that?” or “Why is their kitchen so awful?” can be quite enough for a good evening. Sometimes a passing comment becomes your next inside joke.

You might only need a pen and paper for a game over video. Draw a room you once shared from memory, then compare your drawings. Try guessing a song from a few hummed notes. Take turns naming places and choosing where you’d like to spend one evening.

Another option: each of you finds an object at home with a story behind it. Show it while the other person guesses where it came from and why you’ve kept it. Even a familiar mug might turn out to be a souvenir from an occasion you’ve never talked about.

Choose one game and see whether you enjoy it. An unfortunate drawing or forgotten lyrics can be part of the fun. You only need scores and winners if they make it more enjoyable for both of you.

You can miss the ordinary parts of being together, too. Talking while someone slices an apple. Sitting side by side, each doing your own thing. Sometimes you can bring a little of that everyday feeling into a video call.

Put your phone on a shelf while you fold clothes, water your plants or draw. When you feel like it and have the opportunity, you could cook something or have dinner in front of the screen. Show each other what’s on your plates and remember a favourite meal you shared.

It helps to ask first: “Would you like to keep me company while I get a few things done?” That makes it clearer that busy hands don’t mean your attention has disappeared. And if what you wanted today was a conversation where you could see each other’s faces, you can say that, too.

It’s easy to rush through a short call: one more question, one more story. But sometimes the most important thing has already slipped into the conversation: “Today was a bit rough.”

You can pause there. “Do you want to tell me about it?” Listen without immediately looking for advice to give or a similar story of your own. If you’re not sure what would help, ask: “Would you like me to listen, or shall we think it through together?”

You can linger over the good things, too. Ask about a small success that might otherwise go unnoticed. Invite them to show you something that went well. An ordinary conversation has room for pride, sadness and “I don’t feel like talking about that yet.”

Over time, you develop little habits as a couple. Sharing the funniest moment of the day. Playing a song before you say goodbye. Choosing a photo of the week. Picking up a series neither of you watches without the other.

A shared habit often starts by chance: something felt good once, and you wanted to do it again. You don’t have to give it a name or immediately set a fixed time for it.

If your schedules rarely line up, that small thread can stay with you between calls. Send a song with a few words about why it made you think of the two of you. Leave a voice note about something funny. A reply can wait until there’s a chance to send one.

Sometimes a call goes on because neither person wants to be the first to say it’s time to rest. You’re already yawning, but you keep searching for a topic, as if a shorter evening might hurt someone’s feelings.

Simple words can help: “I’ve loved spending time with you. I’m ready for bed now, though.” Or mention a particular moment: “I’m still laughing at your drawing.”

If you know when you can talk again, make a plan. If you don’t, leave it open. You can simply say: “I’m looking forward to the next chance to see you.”